it holds sorrowful beauty. 

“what do you mean?” he asked. 

“Emotions shouldn’t have to be justified by something, they don’t need a reason. But society would rather see a smile then a frown. They constantly pressure you into admitting that there is an underlying problem and claim that if you don’t attach your sadness to something, then you’re sick. It shouldn’t be like that.” 

He looked at her, amazed by her analytical honesty. 

“Wow.” his eyes ran across her face and no emotion was hidden there. She was like a clean slate open for everyone. She understood. 

“You amaze me.” 

She smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Her face was tired, worn even. It looked so odd on her child-like face. 

He looked at his watch and frowned “I have to go, sweetie. Our time is up for today.” 

” Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Her voice was sad but the question of his less than probable visit hung heavy in the air. He stood and walked to the door as she remained stuck to her plastic grade school chair. The door beeped and she watched the only light she had in this dark place walk thorugh doors that would automatically lock as they clicked against the cold, hospital like door frame. 

He looked at her, emotionless, blinking. 

This is why she hated talking to people about things like this. They never know how to react. Either that, or they just don’t care. But it’s not like she wants to talk about it. When someone asks her to talk about herself all her insecurities just spill out. It makes her feel stupid, but she’ll take anyone who is willing to listen. If she didn’t she feared that she would lose her sanity; who she was. That thought alone scared her to death. 

“Don’t you ever feel like you should worry about yourself at least sometimes?” he asked her.

“No. Even though sometimes I have to suffer, even though it takes a toll on me emotionally or physically, I’d rather see someone happier than I am. 

“Why would you do that to yourself?” he questioned. 

“I don’t have an answer for you. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I believe that I don’t deserve to be happy, even though I envy the people who are.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” 

The concern in his eyes made her worry. She isn’t telling him these things for his pity. The last thing that she wants is for someone to feel sorry for her. All she wanted was for someone to just listen - Not to judge, or throw her a pity party. Was that too much to ask? 

“You don’t have to understand it. Sometimes emotions can’t be justified. People always think that there is a reason for everything, and they keep on going until they find something to attach it to.” 

“I’m never good enough for anyone.” she stated.

“Why do you think that?” he asked.

” because no matter what I do it’s never good enough. I try to please everyone. I put others before myself, and try to make everyone happy. But it’s never enough! Do you know how difficult it is to wear a smile when all you feel like doing is breaking down? Or how much it hurts when you try to confide in someone but then realize that no one cares about anyone but themselves?”

She sighed and allowed herself to calm down.

“Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to make everyone happy. Why do I care so much? I know that people don’t care about me as much as I do about them. I think about that sometimes, and it makes me sad.